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8 Ways to End the Quebec Student Protests

6. Stiff punishments for bootleggers

bootleggers

Undoubtedly, students would be first in line to try to profit from the new prohibition laws. As such, punishments for bootleggers would be harsh.

Odds of resolution: slim. Students really don’t seem to care about consequences.

5. Mega University

Montreal Olympic Stadium

Like the hospital, all universities are to be combined to form one massive institution. It shall be housed in the refurbished Olympic Stadium and the language of instruction shall be based purely on enrollment numbers. This way, the good citizens of Montreal will only have one part of town to entirely avoid.

Odds of resolution: low. The murder rate at MegaU would be very high.

4. Eliminate Arts programs

eliminate arts programs

Just cut them all. Arts students are clearly the most vocal protesters and, hands down, the most eminently unemployable. So send them out to the job market right away. Two birds here:

  1. They will save the money that they are fighting so hard for.
  2. They will save plenty of time otherwise spent completing an utterly worthless degree.

Odds of resolution: decent. Clearly, the world needs more bloggers.



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3 Comments

  1. Biddy May 2, 2012 at 8:02 am -

    Brilliant work, sir. May I suggest mandatory public spankings as well for all these spoliled children?
    As for the ubiquitous anarchists who gleefully exploit any form of protest movement to bring havoc to our streets, I think they need to be locked together in a small, windowless and featureless room for all eternity, with nothing to do but avoid structure, throw profanities at the walls and endlessly debate how badly their world sucks. Now that’s a perfect microcosm of anarchy.
    Fuck those lazy, ignorant commie bastards right in the ear. I’m not bitter….really. I’m just a typical, angry old white man.

  2. Stephanie May 2, 2012 at 9:48 am -

    @Biddy

    Angry old white man is right.

  3. Nick May 2, 2012 at 9:50 am -

    May I suggest hiering the old Iraq information minister to deal with all official government communication! Bellow an example of his poteinal handy work:

    Media: when will the students stop protesting downtown?

    Iraq information minister: There are no student infidels protesting in the city and the government is in full control! Long live Sadam, I mean Charest!

    It may take some time for him to get fully up to speed!

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