Ever sit down for an episode of Andy Griffith and find yourself captivated by the voluptuous figure, the sultry voice, of Aunt Bea? Yeah, us neither. But there had to be a time when Frances Bavier could heat up the ol’ oven, right?
What if there was a machine that could transport you to such a place – a world, perhaps, where Dorothy from the Golden Girls didn’t have a penis? We here at The Scrib will focus on three old prunes, who could really make our soldiers charge the fort. Let’s begin.
1. Lily Tomlin
You may know her as Tammy on Eastbound & Down or Mrs. Berenger in The Pink Panther 2 (kidding), but before she took the world by storm in those bit parts, Tomlin was something of a phenomenal comedienne. She got her start on The Garry Moore Show in 1966, and with next year’s film The Road Home, she will have had skin in the acting game for 46 years. But on the topic of real skin, it’s generally best this raven-haired Tom Petty wears as much clothing as possible.
My Incredible Shrinking Penis
But it wasn’t always that way. There was a time, before all her character names started with “Mrs.,” that Tomlin could bring the sexy. Audiences in the 1970s looked at her as more of a disco-era Tina Fey, which the very thought of makes my little BeeGee do the Hustle. At 39 (in 1978), she even got to share sex scenes with John Travolta when Travolta was more Barbarino than Edna Turnblad.
Look, no acting!
The movie was called Moment by Moment, and to date with a 2.7/10 rating on IMDb, is one of the most maligned films of all time. Our beloved Ms. Tomlin, however, had the last laugh when she starred in the massive box office hit 9 to 5 two years later. While today’s photos do Tomlin no favors, we prefer to remember her like this: