Whilst vacationing not so long ago at a certain theme park in the Sunshine State, my lady and I became increasingly aware that everywhere we went, a large number of basic, stock characters could be found. And not those drawn up by an artist but those of actual paying visitors. Over time, we termed these The Faces Of Disney – recurring archetypes that are, doubtlessly, on hand at any prepackaged entertainment experience. Yet whatever the setting, it’s wise to familiarize yourself with the more notorious conditions, lest ye become susceptible to them yourself:
8. Intense Picture Taker Guy
Usually sweating more than most, and, though ostensibly having a good time, will be spotted at all times with an expression that might suggest he’s on the brink of suffering a heart attack. In general, Intense Picture Taker Guy is not found alone, but rather heading up a family of at least four, which he will constantly attempt hustling into poses featuring famous and/or interesting landscaping, buildings, caged animals, mascots, et cetera. Not a bad person, if you can get him to calm down for 5 seconds and chat, and will typically be apologetic, with a quick, muttered “sorry” from his half turned head as he is elbowing past you. But make no mistake about it, he is elbowing past you in his feverish quest for the next picture, so look out.
7. Mr. Protest-On-Principle
Mr. Protest-On-Principle will complain about things all day, yet lack the conviction to actually, you know, follow through on any of it. An especially dangerous affliction in that you yourself very likely have an uncle or even a dad prone to such bouts – do not humor them the slightest during these occasions, as you will then be expected to sympathize the rest of the day. You will find yourself subjected to those same clicked tongues, sarcastic replies, and sour faced nods of the head. In general considered more annoying than dangerous, however, mostly because he’s just saying, he’s just saying.