No matter where in the world you are, if you happen to find yourself at a casino table (playing blackjack, for example) there are a few constants that you can depend on. Whether in a 5-star casino on the French Riviera or a dungeon buried somewhere in an Atlantic City Motel 6 basement, you are sure to be surrounded by a combination (if not all) of these types of people. Bet on it.
The Loose Cannon
This guy typically plays multiple hands at a time, each one with a different amount riding on each one. He has no idea how to play and relies exclusively on superstition and what he feels is strong intuition. He plays recklessly, being both aggressive on some hands and dangerously conservative on others. He oscillates schizophrenically between white rage and bemused indignation. He is the guy who bangs his hand on the felt with the delivery of every Ace or Ten and yells at the dealer just softly enough to be allowed to continue playing. He hasn’t bathed in days and looks like he is one bad card away from killing himself.
Your strategy: do not engage him in any conversation as he will quickly begin blaming his bad luck on you.
The Old Asian Woman
She is the quietest player at the table but knows exactly what she is doing. She mumbles to herself in her native tongue, most likely berating the Loose Cannon for having shit the bed yet again. Her facial expression never changes and her betting habits are constant. For all intents and purposes, she can be replaced by a computer. She is the rock of the table and can play for 3 days straight without a single visible strain on her face.
Your strategy: feel free to give her a thumbs up when her strong play earns the table money.
The Babe
Easily the most nervous person at the table. She never plays two hands in a row as a means of being cautious; she may even play behind the Old Asian Woman if she is on a good streak. She has a cursory understanding of how to play but allows her nerves to dictate her moves. She waffles on her bets and agonises way too much on each decision. She has no problem asking total strangers how to play her hand and will even take the advice from the Loose Cannon. Takes losses badly but bounces excitedly every time she wins a hand.
Your strategy: feel free to make friends with her as you will be able to influence how she plays her hands. This can be a benefit to the whole table. Plus, she is hot. Who doesn’t like talking to a hot chick?
Help support us by shopping at The Scrib Store!
Help support us by shopping at The Scrib Store!
are you ambiguously ethnic?