As last week’s Most Loathsome TV Characters spawned an impressive amount of supportive rage, I thought I would try to settle things down a bit and start the new week off with a little more love. Impugning someone or something requires little explanation or authority and is usually an easy avenue to cheap laughs. It is also a lot of fun. Offering admiration is a much more honest and mature endeavour that warrants less sarcasm. Needless to say, I don’t like how this week is starting off.
8. Don Draper, Mad Men
Dark, brooding, mysterious and an expert liar – the man’s checklist of how to pick up women. Smoking and drinking to excess without a legitimate health concern is downright unfair.
Major flaw: never got with Joan Harris. This would be cause for automatic promotion to #1.
7. Charlie Harper, Two and a Half Men
Hard-drinking, disease-free, beach-house-owning millionaire. Extra credit awarded for being a repeated cunt to the hateful Alan (a finalist for last week’s list, I’ll have you know).
Major flaw: the mistake that every man makes but once in his life – falling in love with a crazy chick.
6. Dr. Jennifer Melfi, The Sopranos
Smart, brave, sexy and in total control. She never gave in to the mistake that we all truly believed she would. The only character to enter their world and not be corrupted by it. Bravo.
Major flaw: let’s not forget what she turned into last time she got involved with the mob.
5. Jay Pritchett, Modern Family
Lives a truly blessed existence. Retired, rich, gets to use his rare boners on her.
Major flaw: must be paying a fortune in alimony and child support.
4. Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
A staunch Republican tolerant of homosexuality is truly a rarity. His odour alone could cure cancer. Probably the only man alive who (willingly) lays claim to both of these jewels.
Major flaw: did I mention that he is a Republican?
3. Kenny Powers, Eastbound and Down
La Flama Blanca’s autobiography is titled, “You’re fucking out, I’m fucking in”. Um, awesome. In fact, let’s listen to a little excerpt:
Major flaw: what’s with the tape? Stream that shit to the cloud, yo.
2. Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
How can you not be awesome when you get to play yourself but with a serpent for a penis?
Major flaw: quite poor at apologies.
1. Charlie Runkle, Californication
Unashamedly self-loathing, chronic masturbating representative of the everyman. He accomplishes what every man wishes he could:
Major flaw: his flaws have flaws. And that is why he is such a beautiful bastard.