Sound a city-wide alarm at six o’clock every morning. Most sophisticated torturers use some form of sleep deprivation to establish some form of dominance. While the rest of us would welcome the free alarm, nothing fucks a student up more than being risen before noon.
Odds of resolution: high. Even virgin students won’t enjoy getting up early.
2. Great Wall of China
Implement a government proxy and only allow registered non-students access to the internet. Not getting laid and no porn? We’re almost there…
Odds of resolution: high. Even female students will be feeling a bit frisky by now.
1. Winston Wolf
We are certain that M. Charest can afford to make a quick phone call.
Odds of resolution: guaran-fucking-teed.