8 Ways to End the Quebec Student Protests 8 Things to do During the NHL Lockout 8 Ways to End the Quebec Student Protests 8 Places More Frightening than a Haunted House 8 Ways to End the Quebec Student Protests 8 Things That Will Ruin Your Day

8 Ways to End the Quebec Student Protests

3. Reveille

reveille bugle call

Sound a city-wide alarm at six o’clock every morning. Most sophisticated torturers use some form of sleep deprivation to establish some form of dominance. While the rest of us would welcome the free alarm, nothing fucks a student up more than being risen before noon.

Odds of resolution: high. Even virgin students won’t enjoy getting up early.

2. Great Wall of China

firewall

Implement a government proxy and only allow registered non-students access to the internet. Not getting laid and no porn? We’re almost there…

Odds of resolution: high. Even female students will be feeling a bit frisky by now.

1. Winston Wolf

winston wolf pulp fiction

We are certain that M. Charest can afford to make a quick phone call.

Odds of resolution: guaran-fucking-teed.


Pages: Previous 1 2 3


Check out The Scrib Store!
Help support us by shopping at The Scrib Store!

Have Your Say

Best of The Web


3 Comments

  1. Biddy May 2, 2012 at 8:02 am -

    Brilliant work, sir. May I suggest mandatory public spankings as well for all these spoliled children?
    As for the ubiquitous anarchists who gleefully exploit any form of protest movement to bring havoc to our streets, I think they need to be locked together in a small, windowless and featureless room for all eternity, with nothing to do but avoid structure, throw profanities at the walls and endlessly debate how badly their world sucks. Now that’s a perfect microcosm of anarchy.
    Fuck those lazy, ignorant commie bastards right in the ear. I’m not bitter….really. I’m just a typical, angry old white man.

  2. Stephanie May 2, 2012 at 9:48 am -

    @Biddy

    Angry old white man is right.

  3. Nick May 2, 2012 at 9:50 am -

    May I suggest hiering the old Iraq information minister to deal with all official government communication! Bellow an example of his poteinal handy work:

    Media: when will the students stop protesting downtown?

    Iraq information minister: There are no student infidels protesting in the city and the government is in full control! Long live Sadam, I mean Charest!

    It may take some time for him to get fully up to speed!

Switch to our mobile site